Scarred for Life
by MoonKittyru
Summary: Every year, the animals of Hogwarts attempt to see who has the worse mental scars...
1. Chapter 1: Reflections

_Every year the pets of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry got together and would share their stories of things that they had witnessed and just prayed to the gods they could erase with enough mental bleach. This year, it was Fawkes and Hedwig that had the most disturbing story. And it all started in the Headmaster's office._

Reflecting Images

Dumbledore knew by the Yule season of Harry's first year at Hogwarts that Professor

Quirrel would not be returning for a second teaching year at the castle. So like any responsible Headmaster would do, Albus decided to hold interviews for the soon to be vacant teaching position. Unfortunately, the last five applicants never showed. And that could only mean one thing, if Gilderoy Lockhart just walked through the front doors of the school, then the job would be his by default.

Speaking of the egotistical peacock of a man, Lockhart was late for his interview. It was at this moment when looking at the clock, that Dumbledore sensed a shift in the wards surrounding that damn mirror on the third floor. Walking over to his scrying-bowl linked specifically into those wards surrounding the Mirror, Dumbledore got an eyeful of something he did not ever want to witness.

Gilderoy had gotten lost again. Even when he had been a seventh year Hufflepuff he would get lost going to and from classes and the House Common room. This time though, he had gotten lost between the Entrance Hall and the Headmaster's office.

Was he supposed to take the second staircase **before **or** after** it moved to the Charm's corridor? He could never remember. Besides, that was unimportant. All that mattered right now was that he found this absolutely lovely mirror that showed off his perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect teeth, and perfect shade of Be-Dazzled pink robes. Ah, Lockhart loved being perfect and unlike that crazy witch Mary Poppins. She claimed she is "Practically perfect in every way," and that "A spoon-full of sugar help the medicines go down," let alone taking a broom that was meant for quidditch and turning it into an umbrella. But that is what happens when a witch is born a Lovegood.

_Hedwig swore, the robes had been Be-Dazzled and were pink. It took Fang admitting to having seen the robes him-self and Mrs. Norris saying that she had even used the robes for a late night rendezvous with one of the local cats. _

(AN: the authoress shudders here at the mere idea of Mrs. Norris, a late night rendezvous, and Be-Dazzled men's pink robes in the same breath)

As Lockhart was admiring his perfect reflection, he noticed something a little odd. His reflection was not paying attention to him. Instead it appeared to be looking off somewhere that Gilderoy could not see. Slowly what Lockhart's reflection had been watching walked into the Mirror's frame. Another Lockhart appeared in the Mirror's reflection; only this one was clad in a short light blue Kimono.

As Lockhart watched, his original reflection reached towards the kimono clad one, latching onto his belt and tugging him until they were chest to chest. With the two reflections so close together, they started kissing and **carefully** stroking each other's hair. (They really did not want to ruin a perfect coif.) As the kissing got heavier and the stroking a little less careful, Lockhart decided that he had to be comfortable to be able to watch this most exquisite of sights. So with some quick work, he transfigured himself a couch to recline on.

As he got comfortable, Lockhart thought to himself, "Who is that devilishly handsome man with that other devilishly handsome man? Why it is ME! Aren't I lucky to be in love with the most perfect being in Wizarding society?"

As Dumbledore screamed about his eyes needing to be bleached, Fawkes peeked over his shoulder wondering what could possibly have caused his pet human such pain. With a single look into the bowl, Fawkes became nauseated by what the peacock of a man was doing. The only solution is to quickly take flight out of the open window. Well, heading towards the phoenix version of mental bleach wouldn't be remiss either.

As Fawkes sped towards the Forbidden Forest, Hedwig awoke from her nap to a different view of the disturbance on the third floor corridor. She had been napping on a lovely window ledge on the third floor. The ledge just happened to have been to the window into the room that held the Mirror. When she woke, it was to some odd noises and a most disturbing sight indeed. The only solution she knew of to cleanse the retinas of her eyes would be mental bleach. The stronger the bleach the better the mental cleaning. So she flew away from the tower that held the Mirror as if the hounds of hell were after her.

With screeches of pain coming from both birds' beaks, Fawkes and Hedwig flew towards the forest and what they knew would provide them the perfect way to forget what they had just witnessed. Fermented nectar that could knock even a phoenix on his back after enough shots is always the best mental bleach in the animal kingdom.

_Harry was walking pass the owlery as he heard screeches, hisses, and howls that could only be from pain. It wasn't until he recognized the sounds of Hedwig and Fawkes that he realized what day it was and what the animals of the castle were up to. _

_Hedwig had told him about this competition before. It was the end of year battle to see which of the castle's critters would mentally be scarred for life. _

**AN**: okay, I know this is not the best of ficlets. But you try to come up with something that is completely comprehensible at 1 am. If you like it, great! If you don't like, no skin off my nose. I just ask that any criticism be  
constructive and all praise be accompanied by cookies. And trust me on one thing; I could have made this a lot more disturbing. :-P


	2. Chapter 2: Blackmail

Within the hierarchy of the animals at Hogwarts, Errol was within the upper echelons due to age alone. He had owned his pet humans the longest; knew all of the quickest or safest routes for deliveries; knew the best places to roust (and was quite capable of defending those spots). But what made Errol one of the most respected owls at Hogwarts was his stories for the end of year Scarred contest. He never competed, at least not any more. These days all of his stories were for the comic relief. And one such story needed to be shared at the end of Harry's third year.

Errol had decided to stay in Hogwarts' Great Hall for a while after he delivered ("Kamikaze," croaked Trevor,) a package to the Mischiefs. (Errol never could tell apart the two boys that were hatched together.) Besides, the way he delivered packages and letters to his pets allowed him to groom and get some of the tastiest bits to eat at the same time.

On this day, Errol got to watch his youngest pets as they interacted with each other, their friends, and those bits of trees and cow they called books. Scanning the long thin tree trunks that the humans perched around, Errol noticed something odd. The eldest of his five young'uns seemed to be battling a female for territory. But it didn't make sense, why was he only using his beak? Didn't he know that battles needed talons as well for it to be a good fight? Ah well, it appears that the blonde female is winning. She was able to knock him down and take the battle to under one of the tree trunks.

"Ron! Don't kick me," Ginny whispered at her brother.

"I didn't kick you! Blame the Twins."

"They're at the other end of the table," Harry mumbled.

The Weasley "children" quieted down for a little while after that. But any one who knows these kids know that wasn't going to last.

"Will you stop making the table bounce Gin? It's already hard enough writing with a quill." Hermione asked the redhead beside her.

"It's not me. Blame Harry, he's the one that can't sit still."

No witty retort came from Harry at this old accusation; he knew he couldn't sit still for very long. Plus, Harry was a little busy talking with Neville about their joint Herbology/DADA project. Besides, both boys had seen Percy and Penelope disappear beneath the table. Harry was just waiting for the right moment to tell the others.

If there had been one thing Harry learned the from the Dursleys, it was the art of manipulation. Especially manipulating a situation to his benefit. And Harry's opportunity came about 30 minutes before the bell was going to release the students from their Study Hour.

"Hermione/Ginny/Harry/Ron/Neville! Stop doing that!" Three voices cried at the same time.

Three of the five accused denied everything immediately. Neville just looked confused while Harry remained quiet. Once the other three had quieted down, Harry finally attempted to start his denial.

"Ah-hem," Harry coughed, gathering the attention of his friends. "Where is Percy?" Allowing the others to consider his (seemingly) random question for a few moments, Harry again gained their attention. Holding up three fingers on one hand, he pointed towards the table, specifically underneath it, with his other.

As each finger on Harry's hand was slowly lowered, the kids got ready to peek under the table. Once only a fist was held in the air, five heads disappeared to below the tabletop. A stereo gasp broke the silence that surrounded Percy and Penelope. With the other four speechless, Harry took it upon himself to comment.

"Hi Penny; Hi Percy…. Percy, what are you willing to do so your mom does not hear of this?" Harry asked with a cheeky wave at the Head Boy and Girl.

As the two seventh year students quickly crawled from under the table, Percy spluttered with indignation. That is until Ginny asked with sugar sweetness only she could attain. "Yeah Perce, what are you willing to do to keep us quiet?"

Penelope, knowing how the Weasley children work, took advantage of seeing Harry jerk his head in a gesture meant to let her know to get out while she could. So Penny left her boyfriend to deal with his siblings on his own. Besides, Harry know that to keep him quiet, Penny would protect Luna Lovegood and tutor both Harry and Luna in Transfiguration. Plus, everyone knows that when it came to blackmail, it was every witch for herself, especially when Potter is the one holding the blackmail. Especially when some how Harry "Boy-Who-Blackmails" Potter knows everyone's darkest most embarrassing secret of the month.

With Penny scurrying back to the Ravens' table, Errol turned his attention back to his pets again. The eldest of the five still at Hogwarts was turning an interesting shade of red. His hide color could almost pass for a fox kit. Whatever the green-eyes wolf pup (Harry) was saying, it seemed Percy was truly cornered.

"Um…I…um…I'm willing to tutor you, yeah, I'll tutor you in any subject." Percy finally stammered.

"Not good enough," Harry replied to the other kids shock. "Try again."

Percy looked flustered. He had no idea what else he could offer. Racking his brain, he finally made eye contact with Harry. What he saw reflected back at him made a shiver run down his back. Shining out of Harry's eyes was a gleam of pure enjoyment. He seemed to love the prank ness of catching and blackmailing Percy.

Unable to break eye contact, Percy shrugged. "What are you asking for?"

"Okay," you could hear the smirk in Harry's voice, "how about this? For our silence, you will tutor all five of us in a subject each of us choose until the end of term. You will ignore the next four pranks the twins play, as long as they are not dangerous. AND you will explain Wizarding law and culture to both Hermione and me. Do we have a deal?" Harry said. With how fast he said his terms, it seemed like Harry had been planning for the moment he caught Percy.

Percy sighed the sigh of a man knowing he was screwed. "Merlin," he muttered. "Okay… fine, you win. I'll do it." Percy ground out with resignation.

"Do what?" Harry asked. The way he asked that simple question though, it told Percy and the other four kids listening that Percy was going to have to say what he was willing to do so his parents wouldn't find out about Penny from them.

Percy ground out, making it sound like it was against every fiber in his being, "I will: tutor all five of you in a subject you each choose; ignore the next four non-dangerous pranks; and explain Wizarding law and culture to both of you." Gesturing at Hermione and Harry at the end.

With a look of pure awe on the other four's faces; Harry extended his hand to Percy. He knew that if they didn't shake hands, then their deal would be voided.

The owlery was filled with hoots, croaks, hisses, howls, caws, and yowls of glee as Errol finished his tale. If anyone had looked inside, they would have seen the animal embodiment for roflmao. * It was that type of story that the animal denizens had needed after the year they just had.

Liars (Scabbers/Wormtail)

Dementors

and Werewolves… Oh my.

(**AN:** I had to put "roflmao" in, I just had to. Please enjoy. I'm actually thinking of doing another story based off this one going into what secret Harry has on everyone that he is blackmailing. If you have any ideas or requests, leave 'em in a review. Thanks and….TA!)


	3. Why Snape is a Grump

One year, Trevor was the winner of the Scarred contest the animals held. For an animal not normally seen in the common areas of the school, for Trevor to win was quite an accomplishment. What made it even more amazing was for the story to have taken place not in the Greenhouses or down by the lake, but in the Potions' labs.

Having escaped from his human and the horribly dry place he was kept, Trevor found his perfect spot for hibernating. Though there were no insects, at least the flying kind, to eat, it was a cool and wet place. Besides, until he fell asleep, Trevor was able to watch the humans, especially the big dark one, interact.

On a day that Trevor believed was a weekend, he saw something that was just disturbing. The overgrown smelly human, Professor Snape is what he thinks the human is called, exited his private quarters into the classroom wearing something very peculiar. First though, Snape seemed to change one of the classroom walls so that it was covered in mirrors and had dance bar running along it. With the wireless playing and the door locked, Snape removed his robes and started to stretch. Properly limbered up, Snape approached the dance bar and started his exercises.

Now just by the fact that Snape was dancing was not what traumatized Trevor. It was more what he was wearing. Snape had pulled his hair off of his face and had it wrapped up in a handkerchief so that it wouldn't fall down. He had leg warmers on both his arms and legs as well as was wearing tights. He also had on a leotard and tutu. But what really wrapped the outfit up was the fact that he had on pointe shoes on. Apparently, unlike what everyone thought, Snape's dream in life was not to be the DADA teacher at Hogwarts. No, he had loftier dreams than that. Snape had always wanted to be the Prima Ballerina for the British National Ballet Company. To achieve that dream, Snape was teaching himself how to dance.

What made the sight worse than the outfit was the hair sticking out all over Snape's body. His arms looked like those of a gorilla they were so hairy. His chest appeared to be a shag carpet and poking out of the tights on his legs looked to be the legs of tarantulas. Taking in the sight, for once Trevor was glad that he did not have a gag reflex. Otherwise the sight alone would have caused him to lose the last ten flies he had eaten. And for something to cause him to have that bad of a reaction must truly be scarring since Trevor is owned by a teenage boy.


End file.
